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A jolly take on the holidays PDF Print E-mail
Written by Wauneta Breeze   
Tuesday, 23 December 2008 14:35

By Ed Howard

    There was a Russian czar called Rudolph the Red.
    He looked out a window of his palace one day and said, to his usually disputatious wife, “It’s snowing.” She looked outside. “No, it’s raining.”
    Rudolph twisted his namesake beard. “It’s snowing.”
    They stared at each other, then strode toward the door with obvious purpose and went outside. It was snowing.
    “You were right,” his wife said with resignation. “Of course,” said the czar. “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”
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    What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
    Frostbite.
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    How come Santa Claus never mentioned the 10th reindeer, Olive?
    Because: “Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.”
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    What do you call snowmen who act goofy?
    Snowflakes.
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    Why is it likely that Santa Claus is really a woman?
    Because …Men can’t pack a bag, they don’t answer their mail, and being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
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    What if there had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?     The women would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, and brought practical gifts.
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    True story from our Canadian neighbors.
    Last year, a town in suburban Toronto decided its annual “Santa Claus Parade” had grown too long. Something/someone had to go.
    The secretary-treasurer of the parade explained: “We had a look at things and said, ‘What is there in the parade that really doesn’t have a connotation or a feeling of Christmas and Santa Claus and everything a Santa Claus parade is supposed to be?’”
    They came up with an answer to those questions — and subsequently agreed to exclude the floats that previously featured politicians!

    Ed Howard is the statehouse correspondent for the Nebraska Press Association.