Tina Kitt

    Today the $40 million coronation of King George is afoot in the nation's capital - a whirlwind of merriment and revelry amid war, terrorism, a looming healthcare crisis, and what one economist called "perfect economic storm."
    And the band played on.
    Call me a fuddy-duddy, but it seems to me FDR set the appropriate tone for a commander in chief to follow regarding wartime inaugurations. During the midst of WWII, he wisely opted to forgo all the pomposity in favor of a somber swearing in ceremony followed by a simple White House luncheon.
    Not this crew. Day after day of PAR-TAY is in the offing. Of course we have been told it will all be done "in honor of the troops."
    Wouldn't a more sincere show of respect and concern for the troops be to use the $40 million raised to provide armor for the troops?
    Nearly as galling is the ironic timing of it all. This week Martin Luther King Jr. Day was observed Monday. It's held in honor of the civil rights martyr who, among other things, devoted his life to making sure all Americans are afforded the right to vote and that the votes of all Americans count.
    In D.C. they are toasting a man who was narrowly elected amid rumors of voting fraud, voter disenfranchisement, voter suppression. Not once, mind you, but twice.
    Special, isn't it? The good Reverend Dr. King is surely churning in his grave.
    "Get over it," some might say. "It's done with." "That's politics."
    Okay, So be it. Just to level the playing field, maybe we need to examine the "new and improved" way to win an election in 21st Century America, following the Rovian method.
    • Slander your opponent every chance you get in order to shore up your base. No distortion is too outrageous if you repeat it often enough.
    • Register new voters from the opposing party and "lose" the forms.
    • At televised campaign stops, make sure no one can enter the building who has not signed a "loyalty oath" to you. If anyone makes a statement you don't like or wears a T-shirt saying "question authority" have them escorted out, hair first.
    • Remember, voting machines that do not leave a paper trail are good, those belonging to the Diebold Company - whose CEO promised in a GOP fund-raising letter to "deliver" Ohio - are best.
    • The fewer voting machines available in precincts favoring your opponent the better. Voters waiting in line hour upon hour in precincts heavily favoring your opponent is a good thing. In precincts favoring you, get 'em in and out in minutes.
    • The Secretary of State in critical battlegrounds like Ohio and Florida needs to be reminded that his or her job is to make it very difficult for opposition party voters to register and vote.
    • Watch the early exit polls to monitor the situation in the battleground states. If your opponent is leading, make sure that "late" voters mysteriously "materialize" in sufficient numbers for you to win.
    • Make sure that your party's exit pollsters adjust their state exit poll numbers after midnight to agree with the actual votes.
    • Make sure anyone speaking on your behalf invokes the "it must be God's will" line. No one will dare question the veracity of even the most scurrilous and unethical scoundrel as long as they are effective in leading the masses to conclude they're "tight" with the Almighty.
    • Provide talking points to the media in order to convince the public that exit polls are unreliable and were clearly wrong once again, the third time in a row, as they were also wrong in Georgia 2002 and Florida 2000.
    • Down play the fact that exit polling data is used to determine if election results are on the up and up in foreign elections monitored by U.S. officials.
    • Have your guy give a press conference as soon as possible the day after the election, declaring that the mandate provided by the American people gives him the political capital necessary to follow through on his God-given agenda. Re: I have a mandate, I have earned political capital that I intend to spend, spend, spend. Get used to it.